To drool or drule. Depends on how hip your dictionary is.

4 Nov

Within a heartbeat of publishing my last blogoffer, Week-End, a dear friend and pedant called to point out my curious spelling of Drule or, as he would have tapped, Drool. He further guffawed at my fulminating over apostrophes whilst committing certain typos as well as  the Drool/drule faux pas. My explanations, weak as they were, fell on the stoniest of ground. I turn off the spellcheck – it’s untrustworthy anyway. Crap excuse, he said. I tried convincing him that drule was a mere multiple typo. He clutched his sides in mirth. I slammed the phone down and reviewed the rogue blog.

There it was in all it’s awkward glory. If I’d used a fluorescent highlighter it couldn’t have stuck out more. Stubbled men drule looking like cats who will get the cream. What was I thinking? Hoisted with my own petard. Found out. I was desolate. But wait. The Urban Dictionary has come to my rescue before. Might it help recover some pedantry house-points? First things first. Update the entry with drool to keep the masses happy while plotting my escape from ignominy.

The UD came through. I knew it would. Just as scrabblers rely on the OED for xylem, yah and zooid to get them out of tight corners; I raise my hat to the Urban Dictionary to cover my extraordinarily unusual errors. I can’t let that man Humphreys or Lynne Truss or Simon Heffer or the rest gain any greater advantage than they have already in the clarity and correctness stakes.

The word DRULE ( no. 1 definition) means, as I knew it would, : Beyond cool, unnecessarily awesome. Girls rule; boys drule.

Or (no. 2 definition): Beyond rubbish. Just disgraceful. Pure shit.

Or (no. 3): Hip, stylish. Clothes designed on the west coast USA.

Wow! What a dictionary! Check back to my original sentence. Not only does no. 1 def. fit like a glove, but so too def.s 2 and 3. The UD also has helpful link-words/synonyms. This list includes: pecker, rule, awesome, hip, great, dk stains, pecker drule, spittled, pecker stains, stylish, urban, worse, worthless, west coast. It’s an extraordinary array which proves that whatever stupid, fantasy, figment of your imagination you come out with there is an authoritative organ that will support whatever spelling and definition you want. Wikipedia eat your heart out. I’m a he fan of the soon-to-be viral Urban Dictionary. Creationism watch out. I’m heading your way. I fancy scientology too and I might look up that funny bloke who used to be a sports presenter before he developed a hole in his trousers and his marbles fell out.

I’m looking forward to calling my mate the pedant back and putting him right in his place. David Icke, that’s his name.

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