My Left Leg

25 Mar

I write a poem each day for my own benefit – but I’m thinking there’s money to be made. Perhaps my grandson, the newly-arrived Sebastian, will sell my versifying efforts in about 18 years’ time to fund his gap year. Seems unlikely but who knows how low our literary horizons will be in 2032? I’ll be 81 and won’t give a flying flamingo.

Anyway, as I was drinking my second cup of tea in bed this morning and getting that suicidal feeling that comes with the dreariness of weather and breakfast TV and the prospect of shopping at Budgens, I found myself, once again, scratching my left leg.

My ankle and lower calf area, to be precise. This scaly, flaking, dry almost hairless excuse for what once was a sleek wonder of human engineering. My poem was written in a trice..and here it is.


My Left Leg

My left leg was,once, a shapely feature

A muscled, toned, quite hairy creature,

Smooth with health and tanned by sun

Admired? Well – by me, for one.

Pace and grace it was exposed

By 60s shorts and soon it rose

To tread so many sporting boards

And even climbed the steps at Lords.


But now it’s sixty two years young

Athletic songs have all been sung:

The knee swells up at every turn,

The quadriceps then feel the burn;

All muscles, once so sleek and proud

Now slight, seem fearful, rather cowed;

No sheen of brown, no oil of tan

My left leg is a pasty man.

A hairless fossil, flaking white

Demanding that I scratch it right..

And dead man’s skin flakes from the sore

(I must not scratch it any more)

And feet that carried, winged and free

Now need some keen podiatry.

Oh shake that leg, you’re much the wiser

Smile and grab the moisturiser.

Other body parts will be enshrined or, rather, embalmed in verse on a regular basis. Read simplysorro at every opportunity to get your anatomical Body Shop literary update.


5 Responses to “My Left Leg”

  1. nick fowler March 25, 2014 at 11:46 am #

    Excellent, know the feeling. Well nearly!

    Date: Tue, 25 Mar 2014 10:27:01 +0000 To:

  2. Lauren Pomerantz March 25, 2014 at 4:35 pm #

    Oh my! How timely to read on my 61st birthday! Singing: The old grey mare she ain’t what she used to be. haha. Congradulations on your new grandson!!! How exciting for you and Belinda.

    • simplysorro March 25, 2014 at 4:39 pm #

      Happy Birthday Lauren. Belinda sends love and kisses. Thanks for your message! x Paul

  3. ENSEMBLE DIANA-RIDDICK March 27, 2014 at 11:34 am #

    Dear Paul, Congratulations on the birth of Sebastian – what fun to be a grandparent! Certainly the best time of my life! However, your poem rather diminishes the image of the Cranbrook Legend we have come to know and love. Definitely too much information. You need to up your intake of oils -olive, linseeds etc. Also wards off dementia, I’m told. Love, Diana


    • simplysorro March 27, 2014 at 12:27 pm #

      I’ve just bought shares in Tisserand for that aromatherapeutic purpose! Card arrived for L and D today with characteristic handwriting. Seeing them all at the w/e, taking my mother up to see her great grandson. Fun!

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